By Megan Walrod, M.A.
You know the “tug” you feel when someone wants something from you?
· Perhaps it’s your child literally tugging on your shirt, asking for attention.
· Perhaps it’s your partner, energetically tugging at you to do something.
· Perhaps it’s a client, filled with urgency to get a project done yesterday.
No matter who is tugging (and sometimes the tugs come from all of them at once), you feel it, don’t you? And it can be overwhelming.
I used to respond to the tugs by putting other’s needs first, and putting out their “fires” to console, comfort and meet their expectations. I used to think that by taking care of their tugs first then I would have more space to relax and focus on me.
Yet the tugs can be ever-present, and putting others’ needs above our own desires is prime breeding ground for resentment and limitation.
Often, after decades of this bad habit, we swing to the other extreme – putting our needs and desires first. We may even exclude others from our world until we know we can focus on ourselves without losing ourselves in others’ needs.
Nothing is wrong with that, it’s just helpful to be aware that we don’t need to exclude others or ourselves in any of our choices. It doesn’t need to be “either/or.” It gets to be a “both/and.”
So the next time you feel the “tug” of someone else’s needs, take these 7 simple yet powerful steps to create possibility rather than resentment:
1. Notice what the sensations are in your body.
2. Honor your body for sharing this awareness with you. (Smart body! Smart body!)
3. Acknowledge (silently or out loud) the person or people who are tugging. They desire something from you because you’re pretty awesome. So acknowledge them for reaching out for support and acknowledge your own awesomeness.
4. Recognize that you do NOT need to DO anything with this awareness or this energy. In most situations, you do not need to act in this second.
5. Breathe in several deep breaths and expand your energy to fill the room, the house, the neighborhood, the state you live in, and keep going. Don’t try to “think” about this, just play with how expansive you can be with your own energy.
6. Check in with yourself by asking these questions:
· What needs and desires do I have?
· What would serve me the most in this moment?
· What would contribute the most to the lives of these other people and myself right now?
· What action could I take to create the most for everyone involved?
7. Now choose what action you wish to take (or not) based on considering yourself and the others involved.
By taking these steps and asking these questions, you begin to live in a space of possibility and expansiveness rather than limitation and contraction. Rather than resentment, you feel more empowered and inspired.
Nobody’s “tug” is more important or more powerful than YOU.
You don’t need to leave yourself out of your choices or your life. You – my friend – are the most important ingredient in it!
Megan Walrod, Founder of Live Your Yes, LLC, is a copywriting and book coach, writer and #1 bestselling author. Over the past decade she has supported hundreds of entrepreneurs to create authentic and lucrative marketing materials. Megan encourages her clients to “Live Your Yes,” knowing that when we live an inspired life, we are more magnetic and create greater success for everyone.
Find out more about Megan and sign up for her free ebook here: http://www.meganwalrod.com
Huge gratitude and acknowledgment for the tools of Access Consciousness that have supported me in letting go of this “bad habit” of putting others first. Access refers to this new healthier habit of including others and ourselves in our choices as, “The Kingdom of We.”