By Amanda Foy, Emotional Strength Trainer
There’s nothing like having pre-teens question if you made the right choice in deciding to become a parent over a decade ago. You know, that decade where sleep was at a premium for the first part, all those boozy lunch dates with friends you missed out on, all those snap decisions to go on an overseas holiday to learn about a new culture that were just from a moment in time where you were daydreaming of running away, to stay sane, all those sensible shoes you’ve endured, oh, and especially those times where you’ve looked at your partner, the person you loved that much that you thought you should create another life with, and you may or may not have said out aloud “what were we thinking?”
Let me get this out on the table very quickly: As aware mother’s, we are too hard on ourselves.
As much as I would like to finish this article right now with a THE END, I will keep going and stretch it out a bit.
My sons have provided me with some of the most profound levels of joy, and the polar opposite where I was sure I was going to meet my maker because I was either going to have a heart attack or an aneurysm. Yeah, you know those moments in time where you can hear the blood swooshing past your ear drum the vein is that full and pressurized. Those moments.
What I’ve come to learn is that our children have chosen us to be their parents so we can iron out every. single. fricken. trigger that exists in our cellular memory.
As my kids are getting older, the triggers happen further apart, but this week I was reminded what a healed trigger looks like, and as much as I wanted to celebrate with champagne, I resorted to a cuddle and an extra couple I love you’s. Last year, an incident happened that had me in a state where one of the first things in my head was “I’m failing”, quickly followed by “what didn’t I teach for my child to make that choice”.
It’s like my little narcissist came out to play and I took full responsibility for what my child had decided to do, two days in a row, that gave his Deputy Principal cause to phone me to discuss. You know how narcissists make everything about them and lack any ability to go to empathy?
That’s what we do as mothers pretending to parent from awareness, but we’re actually parenting from fear.
We make it all about us, and then we get what empathy that we do have and shove it so far into a space that the sun doesn’t shine, that we can’t find it to give it to ourselves when we are sitting there thinking that child services are going to show up and do a full audit of your life to establish why your kid decided to go to the shop for a walk.
That’s what my kid did by the way, went to school like he normally does, and then when he got there, he decided that he would take his friend and they would go to the shop to get some junk food and they left the school grounds. He broke the rules in so many ways and I immediately thought “I’ve failed as a mother.”
Then my triggers started to file in like one of those circus cars that have all those clowns come out of it and you are sitting there wondering when they are going to stop coming out, and it kinda stops being funny after the 15th clown steps out of the Mini.
What if someone pinched him?
What if he was hit by a car?
What if another parent saw him drinking a Slurpee at 8.30am?
What if the teachers think I don’t care?
What if I never saw him again?
What if the attendant thinks I’m a bad parent for letting my kid….
And it on it goes, just like the not funny clowns.
A fully healed aware mummy gets to realise that our children are not ours to own. We facilitate their soul arriving here. We give them a home. Food. A warm bed. Clothing and education and we can do our best to model belief systems to them. As they hit double figures, our job becomes one of a voice of reason, a boundary provider. More times than we’d care to think about a voice of reason and a boundary provider may show up as a screaming banshee.
We are doing a good job. They’re alive.
So, dear parent. When your kids are popping your veins and you are stressed out of your brain, please go to ‘what am I actually afraid of’, and that’s what you heal. Then go and hug your child and thank them (in your head, because we don’t want them to think they have the balance of power in the home) for the lesson you’ve just been able to shift through.
Tuck that gnarly narcissist back in the box and stick it at the back of the cupboard and then throw away the key.
Our kids are our biggest guru’s. They are here to teach us how to get through what we’ve been through in conditioning. Your relationship with your child excludes ever other living soul. Embrace it, and cherish it.
Most of all, keep up the good work, because if you do…everybody wins.
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ABOUT THE COACH...
Growing up in Australia with a Grandmother an active participant in her childhood, Amanda had been around natural therapies and concepts since 10 months of age back in 1971. Practicing since the age of 16 in understanding how emotions impact’s health when she learned about Neuro Emotional Technique from her Chiropractor. Amanda spent the first 21 years of her career in mass communications and administration in international and domestic large industry specializing in understand- ing human nature. In 2009 she decided to take the leap into her Natural Therapy future. Developing a unique process called Emotional Strength Training, Amanda is able to see emotional memory stuck in her clients body and then uses a process to sweep it away like a giant broom. Amanda is a medically friend- ly practitioner who stands by her belief that working together with medicine, patients can expect great outcomes and eventual- ly be medication free as the chemical harmony is restored in the system. Amanda's Website