(This article originally published on John Kim's own articles from his posts on Medium and republished on One Wise Life with his permission).
In CrossFit, staying on your heels is where you are the strongest. That’s where you’re the most stable, most balanced, and best positioned to use the strongest part of your body, your legs. When you’re on your toes is when you become weak and create room for injury.
One state that can allow us to get on our toes or lose power quickly is...
Whether it’s a better life or a text message back, whenever we seek, desire, want, we have potential to lose power. We have shifted into uncertainty. The ball is no longer in our court.
We all want things. That’s normal. That’s healthy. It can be 92 Octane that motivates us to work hard to accomplish our goals. But when we start obsessing about our wants is when we go from heel to toe.
When you’re going through your day, notice when you start to obsess about a want. For example, I want my own treatment center one day. That’s one of my big dreams. And it’s okay to want it and think about it and use that want as fuel to work hard and turn that vision into a reality. But if I start to obsess about it, self doubt will leak in. It always does. My Pseudo Self is much louder than my Solid. That’s the case for most of us. I will start thinking it’s not possible or probable. Once the self doubt door is kicked in, questions follow. Is what I’m doing really matter? Am I wasting my time? Should I just give up now? Maybe I should just get a normal job? And of course, feelings follow thoughts. Frustration, discouragement, anger, hopelessness, which all result in low motivation. Now you’re spinning in a mental dryer. If you cross that line from wanting to obsessing, fuel quickly turns into poison. In this state, you are powerless. Your want has ripped your core right out of you.
You are now on your toes.
The way to get back onto your heels and take the power back is to...
When I say give, I’m not talking about money to the homeless. I’m referring to a mental state, a mindset. Most of us walk with a TAKE mindset. We are constantly seeking, better, bigger, more, money, house, cars, validation, approval, in my example above, my own treatment center. Our desire to seek is fueled by our belief / feeling that we lack or are lacking.
By changing this mindset from TAKE to GIVE, two things happen on a mental / emotional level.
1). It pulls you out of self.
You are no longer making it about you. This means the focus is no longer what you don’t have but what you do. Instead of thinking about what you lack in your life (powerless), you are now thinking about how you can help others or make an impact on the world by sharing your gifts (powerful). What you have. If you’re doing this with honesty, you can’t want and give at the same time. It’s one or the other.
2). This process forces you to review what you have to offer.
You instinctively do a self inventory of your gifts, what you’re good at, what you like about yourself, what people notice you excel at, etc. The result is empowerment.
For two minutes, turn your dial to TAKE and think about all the things you want, really obsess about it. Across the board, all areas of your life. What do you feel you lack? In love, relationships, career, material objects.
Notice the residue feeling that comes afterwards.
Now for two minutes, turn your dial to GIVE and think about all the things you already have that you can offer. What are your gifts and how can you give in your relationships, work, career, hobbies, projects, etc.?
You feel that? Even if it’s just a little bit. It’s traction. In which two minutes do you feel less than
Here’s another quick example.
If I check how many people are following me, how many views a video gets, how many notes a post gets, I instantly compare those numbers to previous ones or other people’s numbers, and want more because the higher the numbers, the better I am or the more I’m worth because it’s a direct reflection on how many people like me or my writing. This is me seeking. I am giving you something but want something back in exchange. If don’t get what I hoped for, I will label and judge myself and feel less than or not enough.
If I ignore numbers and just focus on GIVING, which in this case, is creating a dialogue and using my words, website, to move, help, effect someone today, I suddenly feel powerful.
This shift happens in a matter of seconds. And it flips back and forth. The trick is to keep your dial locked on GIVE as long as you can. And do it daily. The longer you stay on your heels, the more powerful you will be.
Here’s the irony. The more we maneuver through the world in a “GIVE” state, the more we will get what we want.
You want a scientific reason?
In our Give state is where we have the most potential. In all areas of our life. Friends, family, career, partners. This is because we are exercising our gifts without being hindered by seeking / wanting, which waters down our potency. Simply put, we are pulling the most from our Solid Self. We become transparent. We are in our truest state.
Take mode is created by sociological factors and our internalization of all the “bad” that’s happened in our story. In a nutshell, commercials and false beliefs.
If you turn your dial to Give, what does that look like in action? At work, as a homemaker, with your friends, family, your husband / wife, expired relationships? Try it. For a day. Today. Then see how that feels but also notice the response you get, the energy it generates. Most likely the response will be positive and encourage you to work on staying on your heels.
You go from dyer to washing machine. Spinning in your head to a clean wash.
Take the power back.
Turn your dial to
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About The Coach...
John Kim pioneered online life-coaching six years ago with The Angry Therapist, which has a committed, passionate following of clients & coaches. He's the co-founder of SHFT, a company devoted to self-betterment and wellness for all and author of The Angry Therapist, The No BS Guide To Finding and Living Your Own Truth. Connect with John on FACEBOOK.